Butterfly
by Mlle Lambert
Summary: Part 2 of the Wishful Thinking trilogy. A funeral from Cassie's POV. Warning: Character Death. DanJan implied


Butterfly  
  
Written: August 14, 2003  
For my dear close friend, Kayla. May your stepfather's courage and love  
shine into the future.  
  
I'm really going to miss you. You may not have been my real mother, but I like to think of you as one. The things you taught me will always be in my heart. I love you, and I hope you're in a better place now. Here he comes, Mom, to bid you farewell. He's crying, Mom, and I've never seen him cry before. He must have really loved you, and if what I'm seeing is any indication, he still does. He leans over, takes your hand, and kisses you. There's so much emotion in his voice as he hugs me and tells me how much of a good person you were. I know this, Mom, and I know he just needs to talk to someone. I have to, Mom. He has to know. I pull out the sealed envelope and give it to him. He thinks I don't know what's in it, but I was the one who sealed it. He opens it and stares at the cover of the card you selected for him. He smiles at the butterfly, flips it open, and reads these words:  
  
"You make me feel as free as the butterfly. When you're around, I feel as if I could soar away. Janet."  
  
He unfolds the note enclosed inside the card and reads it as well.  
  
"Daniel,  
You have no idea how long I have waited to give this card to you or  
how long I have been holding back my feelings for you. I don't know  
exactly when this all started, but I guess I realized it shortly after  
I released Cassie from the infirmary.  
At that time I was so caught up with what was going on with her, that  
I put everything else on the back burner. I was sitting at my desk and  
it hit me. I had felt something that day you had grabbed my hand. Then  
on my birthday a few years later when we kissed, the spark was there  
just as it had been the first time. I thought about it long and hard  
after that moment, then I remembered the card. When I first bought it,  
it was just a crush, and I figured I would never get the nerve to give  
it to you.  
Yet, there I was, in love with a man I couldn't love, I was afraid to  
love. What I had once viewed as a silly dream had become a reality.  
Hell, I had bought it when you were still in love with your wife. What  
can I say? I'm a very strange woman, as Cassie will tell you.  
All the years have come and gone. When you died, it nearly killed me.  
Then you came back, and almost instantly you were sharing your body  
with six others. Daniel, you've found something in me that no one can  
see through that Captain Janet Fraiser, M.D., persona. It's the  
capacity to love and to be loved and the need for it.  
I love you, and I'm ready to share my life with you. But I have one  
question, are you?  
  
Love,  
Janet"  
  
He's silently trying to keep himself under control, Mom, but it's not working. He draws a deep breath and looks at me with those blue eyes. "I saw her writing that just the other night. She planned to give it to you after this mission." I'm crying now, Mom, it hurts to see him like this. The man I had always seen as invincible seems so vulnerable. "Thank-thank you, Cassie." He hugs me even tighter than before, and I do the same. Why, Mom, why did you have to go? He's never going to know how it feels to be with you night and day, to share his life with you. Nor are you. "She signed some papers a few months ago, making you my legal guardian, along with her, of course." He manages a laugh through the tears. "You really are sneaky, aren't you?" "I guess so," I say as Jack walks up. "I'm sorry, Cassie." He hugs me. "Thanks, Jack." I try to smile, but even more tears come instead. Sam hugs me and says she's sorry as well. Tears are streaming down her face, Mom. Even she can't hold back the emotions caused by your death. I glance at Daniel. He has one of the saddest smiles I've ever seen. We're leaving now, Mom. I hear Daniel mumble something as we leave the church, and I know he's saying the final goodbye to you, the one that could have been his last chance at love. Now, I guess there are no more chances for him, or you. I'm hoping it's all a dream, and that I'll wake up and find you asleep in your room like always, but deep down I know that I'll never see you lying in that bed ever again. I can't attend the burial, Mom; it's just too much. Sam will accept your flag for me. If I go and watch them put you in the ground, it'll mean that my best friend is gone forever, and I don't think I can live with that. At least if I don't see it, then I can think that there is a possibility you will walk right through that front door with the groceries telling me how awful the day was. I've got to stop now, Mom. I know I've got to let you go, but I don't know if I'll be able to. I'll just have to try. Goodbye, Doctor Janet Fraiser, you will always be my friend and my mother. Rest in peace, Butterfly. 


End file.
